Gold Fever

Maria is crazy. No one really needs to be convinced of that—they woman introduces herself with the phrase, “I had a flying squirrel, but it ran away.” Really? How nuts (pardon the pun) can you be?

But that’s not the only thing that makes the maid-of-all-work crazy. No, there is something worse. She claims that when she was growing up in South America her family owned a set of golden dishes. Not golden plated dishes, but solid golden dishes. See? The woman is completely off her rocker.

Once a month, Maria collects junk to sell to the junk man Zerkow. And at each meeting Zerkow offers Maria alcohol and has her tell the story of the golden dishes---over, and over, and over again. Soon, the pathetic, grimy weasel is consumed with Maria’s story. He is crazier than she is—he believes her story is true! For a man of his passions, this can only have a horrible ending.

Maria and Zerkow are married and the situation goes from bad to worse (told ‘ya so). After delivering a still-born child, Maria really loses it. Actually, she just loses it—the story of the golden plates. She denies ever telling anyone about the golden plates and tells everyone they’re crazy themselves. Zerkow, who only married the woman in hopes that she would lead him to the vast fortune, becomes enraged. Greed consumes him. He watches his wife’s every move and accuses her of hiding the immense treasure from him.

The obsession drives him to the edge.

In cold-blooded desperation, Zerkow cuts his wife’s throat, ending any hope he had in finding the elusive golden dishes. With the treasure gone, Zerkow vainly tries to collect whatever he can—tin and brass pots and dishes. Search is made for the heinous murderer. And they find him—floating in the river with a bag of useless dishes in his hands.

Gold fever—it’ll kill you.

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