Archaic Junior Highers

Junior high love—who isn’t both touched (and a little creeped out) by those innocent, intimate crushes? But we all know that junior high crushes do not just take place in adolescence—anyone can experience this awkward love at anytime of life. Norris makes this clear when he introduces the sweet, awkward relationship of Old Grannis and Miss Baker.

Old Grannis is, well, and old gentleman who runs a veterinary hospital. He is quiet and keeps to himself, binding old books and pamphlets in the evenings to keep himself busy.

Miss Baker is the petite retired seamstress who lives next door to Old Grannis on the flat. She spends her days caring for and talking with her friends. In the evenings, she rests in her rocking chair with a cup of tea.

Maria is convinced the two are in love. And yet, the two have never met! They have never spoken a word to each other. But both leave their doors open just a crack as he binds pamphlets and she sips on tea. They are “keeping company”—they are archaic junior higher in the midst of an overwhelming crush.

In the midst of a dark, cynical, evolutionistic tale, Norris includes a ray of sunshine—a breath of fresh air. The reader cannot help but giggle (or at least smirk) when Old Grannis and Miss Baker meet for the first time. Can’t you feel their uneasiness as Marcus flamboyantly introduces them? Your breath catches when Miss Baker unwittingly turns to Old Grannis at the McTeagues’ wedding and says, “Don’t you just love children?” You blush with the dear lady as she becomes overwhelmed with the “impropriety of the situation.

But then, they meet. On the stairs. All alone. Will this be it? Will they finally speak to each other? NOPE. In fact, both become so nervous that Old Grannis knocks the little seamstress’s grocery basket right out of her hands. Lettuce and produce fly through the air and tumble to the bottom of the stairs. Who will save the situation? (dun-duh-dah!) MARCUS TO THE RESCUE!

As the situation with the McTeagues worsens, hope seems to flee the story. More than once I wanted to put the book down and let it gather dust. Then Norris let the junior high crush blossom to its full potential.

One evening, after selling his binding machine for a great deal of money, we discover Old Grannis sitting alone in his room with nothing to do. Poor dear man! He feels he has sold his happiness for money and he was disgusted with himself. He listened as Miss Baker made herself tea and rocked in her chair.

But then, something changes. Rather than making just one cup of tea and sitting in her chair so close to him for the rest of the evening, Miss Baker acts outside of character. With boldness she can’t explain, she makes two cups of tea and . . . and brings the tray over to Old Grannis. Once she has offered the tea (and he responds with silence) her courage expires and she begins to retreat to the safety of her room.

Then Old Grannis speaks.

For the rest of the evening those two archaic junior highers “keep company” with each other. In the same room. Holding hands.

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